That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
