I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
