And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
