that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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