Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
