I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
