i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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