what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
