I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
