WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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