I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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