so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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