are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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