hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Send help, water and tortillas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
