Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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