and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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