If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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