Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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