Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
