is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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