I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
