its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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