So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
