are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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