I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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