I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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