Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
