I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
