I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
