it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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