apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What drink are we having for lunch?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
