i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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