is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
