i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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