so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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