I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
