Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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