I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
