My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
