2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We need to get me chipped asap
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
