I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
