So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
