What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Come on in and take your pants off
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
