I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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