I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
