Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
