guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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