So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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