I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
