Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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