Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
