I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
