he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So vagazzling was a success
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
