Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
